2 plus months since my last post... Geez, im really lazy... But dunno y, dun really feel like posting... Guess my head's kindaf empty... Like nth much i really want to say... Finally finished settling something which i shd've done some time ago, but me being the wishy-washy me, will always drag when it comes to certain things... Oh wells, now at least its time to enjoy life all over again...

N did i say im REALLY tired? Ok, here it is... I AM REALLY TIRED... and i seriously want a gf... Its time to start looking... Eh wait i already am looking... Lol... But i refuse to settle for anyone whom i dun think i like enuff... So well, i juz gotta cont looking bahz... Chuizz...

Haven posted in a while... In like 2-3 months... Lotsaf things happened in these 2-3 months... So much tt its impossible to cover in this short post... I have always tried to make things as fair as i can, but yet not everytime can be fair... There are some things i just cant say, and deep down inside, i've been trying hard... Really trying hard... It would really help greatly if you could back off a lil, be it the sarcasm, or the criticism or the suspicion... I just wish things could be simpler... Both sides accepting certain facts and many more things. Perhaps its nt gd to be too truthful at times too, i am regretting being so totally honest... N i do feel like shit at times too, when i really dun c y i shd feel that way... But i do feel that way... Perhaps its really time...

How long has it been since i last posted? Hmm think it seems like forever...
Been trying not to think too much, juz go enjoy myself everyday... N im glad to say its gng well... For one, i think my tennis is improving slowly... At least i am quite confident that my forehand can get the ball into the court most of the times... :)
And i've been busier during weekends, with more activities n stuff... there was a pt i was trying to shut myself out from ppl as much as possible; i really juz wanna be a workaholic and let work take over my life.... Unfortunately, my energy lvl isnt high enuff to keep being so onz bt work, n gradually, i am getting drained... Feeling sian bt work, not doing things so efficienct anymore, n not OT-ing tt much...
N my 2 best frens are getting married! Cant put in words how happy i am for them, but im really happy... N after 1/2 a yr lapse, im seeing them again... Time really flies... Actually no, it only flies when u look back... N its been almost a year since i left school... Not surprisingly, i am missing school... The independence to do anything i want, the fact that i have all the space and time in the world to myself, as opposed to now where there are so many restrictions and limitations here n there...
Im glad things are where they were now, ok, i actually prefer things to be back a week ago instead of now, but well, not too much diff... Juz hope i wun get back to the dark emo days...

I am not a good liar... So i dun lie... There's always an element of truth in the things i say, be it when i say someone is smart, or when i say i eat dinner at home... But i can nv bear to bring myself to tell untruths... Like telling someone she is pretty when she is actually not... Yup, that is something i really cannot say... Maybe tts y i dun praise ppl tt much... Cos i really need to actually feel tt way in order to say it... Perhaps tts y i dun c myself praising ppl tt often...

i told myself to be more promiscuous last week... N to be fair, i did change my style of speech in recent times le... Being more bold, more friendly, more assertive... N it seems to be having some effects, however, juz not the effect i really wanted...

Sianz... I think im too used to enjoying wad im doing... Knowing the system, the code, as well as possible bugs here n there... Now tt im more of an onlooker as to how the h/w n s/w integrate, i am feeling bored... Esp with everyone having their own tasks to do, n me, not having anything much to do other than helping out wif the integration... I've been really pampered over the last 2 months... Learning so much from Kelvin n being able to help him out... I think tts the ideal job... Me debugging a system while learning bt it from others... N then moving on to solving other problems...
Think my boss also too nice perhaps, she nt really giving me much to do... Sighs... I think i'd be happier being inundated by work...

N it seriously does not help tt liverpool played like shit...

Emo-ness

Emo-ness is when u are home on a sat nite, having nth to do...
Emo-ness is looking at all the couples happily ard u, n juz feeling sad but trying hard not to show it...
Emo-ness is just not having much confidence bt urself... Confidence tt u are actually capable of chasing someone u like n winning her heart...
Emo-ness is the feeling left in u after asking ppl out n being rejected... N then u'd ask: "y can i b confident towards all my frens, but being rejected by someone would make u seem so worthless.... Is she really tt great? NO. Are my frens really worth tt little? of cos NO."

Sometimes, at this pt of time, i cant help but wonder y am i working so hard for... I worked hard during stints in primary, secondary, n jc for my parents... Now i have a decent stable job... I worked hard in uni for myself... N i am indeed proud of myself... Now though, i actually dunno y i working so hard for... So wad if i manage to learn a lot, n perhaps do well? I cant actually see any reason for tt now...

I may be shui bian towards a lot of things, but im not shui bian at all towards myself... I always expect nothing but the best from myself, and if i do slack, i would make sure there's a gd reason for it... But towards ppl, i am not shui bian at all... When i make frens, i do really believe tt they are good ppl, and tt i can really trust them... N towards ppl i like, i do really believe tt there is something else rather than juz looks, even though i always seem to appear shallow... In fact, i nv really tot ppl i liked looked exceptionally good, they juz happen to haf this X factor... N in all cases, the appeal of tt X factor will be overshadowed by some other traits and disappear after some time... N im sure, tt even the current ops may lose its appeal soon... But there is always that one particular ops which has nv lost its X factor... Not last time, not now and definitely not soon...

Yup, monday was indeed an unusual day... Im now back to my usual industrious but crappy mood @ work, and just wanting to get home from work... Work was bad, i made little progress, but i attribute it to not having enuff terminals and boards to work on... There is only 1 board for testing, and there are like 3 ppl working on it.... Sianz... But im done wif my task already, so wadever... N seriously, i think work is like one main driving force behind me nowadays... N then i thought bt my fren who dxn really like his work n is always complaining bt life... seriously, if u spend 40 hrs per week doing sth u dun like, wif a shitty pay, i believe its a matter of time before u finally juz explode n collapse...

Din manage to visit the dentist on wed... WAited for like 40 mins for bus 92!! yes 40 mins... Due to some accident along the buona vista road, which made me suspect tt there arent enuff bus 92As to go around, and so there werent any 92As in between the 40 mins waiting time... seriously wth lor... I was really pissed tt night, i hate not getting my own things done and having no way to get it done... Oh wells...