Time off...

Finally got some time to relax liao... Yay... Last week was quite bad... Who ask me to go play dota on friday! But well, i must relax somehow one, cant bear to keep doing homework, then machiam feel as though i no life... So of cos, must go do some other stuff... Eg, settling ssa stuff... Come to think of it, though i always complain bt stuff but i really do quite like my life now... (skip the homework part... eh, then there's not much left liao... ) At least SSa gives me a chance to do some stuff outside of homework... Food tasting day was great... Could eat quite a few very nice dishes made by others... However, think i had inadvertently offended some ppl wif my frank comments... WAs trying more of like thinking of ways to improve the dish but the cook may have been offended... But its not as though its bad... But just tt i think tt the dish can be made better... Oh well, but i really meant no malice or any sort... Haiz...

These days have been kindaf hectic, wif me doing nothing but homework... Today just had 2 midterms n 1 oral report, kindaf glad that its all over now... though i'm praying hard for my programming mid term... Really praying hard... haiz... Had so much thoughts over the past weekend, but now dunno wad to write... Cant seem to recollect everything i wanted to write about... Oh yar, remember liao... Shucks, i could've swore i remembered wad i thought of, but think me getting old liao...

Think sometimes, ppl are just too sensitive to things... U keep thinking that others are... or u are... when things arent like that at all... N it really irritates the hell outlaf me... I'm a kindaf direct person at times, n if u know me well enuff, when i say things i meant it out of good will... A good joke or sarcastic remark would be evident enuff for all to know.... Unless i'm tt bad a joker... Hope ppl can just tell me things straight in the face at times, instead of being unhappy bt it n making me unhappy in the process too... Sounds a lil selfish? Well... Haha, it depends on how u see it... though perception may be totally different from facts, but it may, at times, affects us more than the truth...

N here's a lil interesting line which i got from a friend... Just thought i might as well share it with all of u... Disclaimer: U must know chinese to get the joke...
Guy to girl: " My name is jin wan, but u can call me tonight..." or
"My name is sui shi, but u can call me anytime... "

Every week has 2 highs...

N i tot tues was the end of the week... After i had so painstakingly solved my bus error, i tot tts it for the week... Until yesterday came... LAptop kept hanging... Due to some 2.2 GB database which i'm suppose to analyse n do stuff to it... Poor laptop, like me, totally crushed by all the stuff coming... Was really thinking mebbe i've taken on too many things... But ar, its not lke i dun have enuff time to allocate for my stuff... Its just that the syntax always kills me... Be it C or this thingy... But glad its over liao... Or rather, its gng to be over... I'm finally finishing all this shitty data thingy... to be continued...

Crushed...

NEver felt so shag before... Totally crushed by the work tts gng to be due this week as well as the midterms coming up next week... Arrgh... But well, who ask me take so many modules? But the work really a lot lorz... Sophomore really different from freshie... Life seems to be in a cycle... Homework come, submit, come, submit, come... n it goes on n on... Except fer some weeks where there arent any hw due... Y? Cos got midterm... yeah, tts y... Finally have time to heave a sigh of relief... At least i can take a small break... Got my stuff going n FINALLY i completed my C program... Not that its very hard... Or require a lot of time... But well, 1stly, i dun really understand it before hand, n of cos, with erros like BUS error, which i dun even know wad the hell it is, i have to keep looking at my code n crying...

Last night was the worse... Felt so stressed first time in my studying years... Feel like just giving everything up, dropping subjects, or simply dun study liao... Din think i can make it today, handing up this stupid C program... But well, i guess its in times like this that we really manage to fulfil our max potential, multi tasking n yet getting good grades( i hope)... But in times of adversity, it really brings out the true nature of people... U have nice ppl who are willing to help, ppl who shun u n dun ask bt the work, n of cos, ppl who just try to do their own work n ignore other responsibilities...

Really looking forward to friday when i can finally take a lil break... LEts hope it comes fast...

Tasting the Sophomore year

When u were in ur 1st yr, u always hear the sophomores ( 2nd years) complain about the loads of work... Like no time to sleep, no time for anything... then i'd think, well, its just cos u all dunno how to plan ur time well... but well, finally, i've had a taste of this rumour... Last week was darn bz, all culminating on thursday where i had to rush stuff out fer my meeting the next day... Started at 9+, ended at 2 45... Wad e crap... ITs like just doing work n work n work... N b4 that, tues n wed were also hectic, with me trying to rush thru work tts due the next day... Even though i started early, but there was just parts which i aint sure about... Guess the chionging spirit in me has died down, i no longer think tt i had to get good grades or anything but rather, worry about the tasks at hand... completing the work has become the main focus, n u're no longer so nitty picky about things... It was really tough n on thurs, i was like numbering the number of homeworks i had, n well, it was 8... Every freaking module had 1 tts due next week, n well, it includes 1 programming assignment... Arrgh, help... N yet i still wanna relax...

But well, as u know me, i can nv just mug all day one... No matter the tightness of the schedule, i simply had to have some fun... Friday was the standard soccer dota combi, n guess wad, i went for paintball on sat... Yeah, it took up the whole afternoon ... 4-5 hrs of it... Chiong suahing... Seems like army dayz... ITs really those forest terrain, with steep slopes and stuff... N u carry guns... Haha... (but of cos, they're filled with paint, or rather, pain)... I was like one of e earliest to be hit in the first game... din feel much as it hit me on the mask... But subsequently, i became more used and at least i killed a few ppl... Though i got massacred twice... Normally, u kena 1 shot n u're out... But i walked into an ambush n was like "bang bang bang" n me, ouch ouch ouch... (Ok, i din really scold ouch but was rather, employing all the hokkien stuff i had learnt during army... Its seriously darn painful... WIll be posting some of my battle scars soon... Even got hit in the head, n i din even c the enemy... could see some big fat tm mate walking ba long long infront, then i think, shd be ok, then stood up to move to next cover then bang! tts it... headshot! Ahhhh.... Another one even better, i was attking the base, then the guy shouted 2 min or wadever... then my tm mates got killed by the defenders... I made a lil flank, n got 2 guys off their position... Then 1 min... Then i think, wah time's up soon, since 2 ppl gone, think defense shd be gone can fast charge in... then i stand up, ran for a few secs, then " piak piak piak" ... Wah, sibei jia lat... machiam like those movie which u see some poor soul being shot all over... I was crouching down, unable to move for a few secs... cos its really close range attk... pain pain...

But at least i think its a great experience which i dun get to do often... But too bad we had some strangers playing with us, so a lil sad... Better if we all played among ourselves, but well, it was still fun... WAnted to cont writing since i got the mood, but well, its time for me to do work liao...

Wad a joke...

Just had my first lab today... Not too hard, but still we took too much time... Y, cos i really cmi liao... 1 sem w/out lab n i seem to return everything to jedna (or izzit jenna, but wadever... She's my TA last time fyi... One of e best i ever encountered here... )... Cant even remember how to operate the stuff... haiz... N guess wad... 2 X ECE MAJORS FROM DSTA cant even remember how to connect an ammeter correctly... Almost caused the multimeter to overheat... Sibei lao kui...

Realised my work starts coming again tmr... Still have like a few more mins to relax b4 i start pia-ing again... Seem to have lost some momentum but hope it'll be back tmr... N yeah, i think i'm starting to understand what is meant by sophomore yr in CMU... Now the only thing thats keeping me alive are my online purchases- the remedy for stress...

A good mistake...

Thought i'd be buried wif work this weekend... Went to pia on sat n sun... (ok, not really really pia but still, compared to the past me, this is pia... ) then now on sun night... I realise i have nothing left! yay... not say nothing left to do, but rather, nothing which i can do now... The rest either haven teach or i cant do yet... So i kindaf read up n slacked... though i still dunno wad the hell's gng on in C... but think boat reach river head will become straight, so no need worry... (chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zhi) Anyway, feeling really a lil bored now... But shallnt complain... Next week will be worse... then next next is like a crushing wave... Hope i can manage to survive the wave... though i not a gd swimmer...

Feeling kindaf inspired after watching the tennis match between agassi n federer... Fyi, i'm not a gd tennis player at all, or shd i say, i dun play tennis one... But my roommates have influenced me quite a lot, n think i may just try my hand at it... But anyway, Agassi's determination n spirit at 35 yrs old is really a motivation for everyone... Even though he lost in the end, but i believe that he is still a winner, with the crowd's support n respect from around the world... The result is not everything, its the process and motivation that counts... As i always insisted...

Just watched a reality show on tv about some guys n girls living together in a day... n well, as expected, the main focus is once again about "yeah-u-know-wad".... wif some girls talking bt their "experiences" with strangers... Are u surprised? Well, i dun think so... After all, there's no reason to be... U're talking about the US lehz... Where everyone does what they want, n where making out here is no less common than holding hands in Sg... Then for some reason, i seem to notice a lil pattern... All those guys, who're CMI imo always have a GF... hmm... (no offence to those attached ppl reading my blog, u know i dun mean u... But ar, if u think i'm referring to u, then well, maybe, just maybe, i may REALLY be referring to u... Cos if u think tt i'm referring to u, it means tt subconsciously u know tt u may be really CMI... Not to mention tt u thinking tt u CMI makes u CMI... Ok, this is getting a lil too baffling maybe? Kk, shallnt go on... ) Now, where am i? Oh yar... About CMI-ness... Yeah as i was saying, those cmi guys seem to be getting attached... But those ppl who i know n think have nice chars arent... (eg. the Nots... "Not-Water", "Not-sphere", " Not- KioSai", "Not-Garlic", n all those whom i cant think of a Not- something" for u... ) Why ar? Or mebbe its simply cos i pa jiao and am wrong! ... Or maybe ppl prefer those who are more daring? Or surface counts more than depth? Or... There're a million reaons which of cos, i dunno all... But ar, as someone once said, " dun EVER EVER get attached for the sake of getting attached"... Or to put it across crudely, " lower ur standards cos U're DESPO!" look around U... U may just find the one for u... If its not meant fer u, its not meant fer u...

Thoughts from an old fren...

Had a nice chat with an old fren just now... One of the frens i've known fer e longest... since primary 3... Reminds me of those old times... back during primary school, sec school, n of cos, jc...
ITs kindaf weird at times the way fate works... Many of my close frens these days have been parts of my life even before we became close frens... Like chun, we were in e same class in sec 1 n sec 2... Yet we nv really got together... N even weirder, we got together even though we were in different classes in secondary school... Song lian... classmates for pri 4,5,6... But yet, nv really knew each other till jc... When we grew really close together... n even weirder... Chow... One of those "horrible lil fatties" (as i would classify some kids) in sec school... Ferever poking fun at my "fattiness" too... Then in jc... we both slimmed down... And it seemed as though the relationship between us changed drastically too... Come to think of it, how i wish i could see them right now... Or jsut travel back to jc days... When we used to hang out together after school, doing the strangest of things... Like pon-ning lectures to go chin up bars... Seriously weird... But now tt u think of it, its really great to have a clique with u...

Was just thinking, 10 years down the road... Would we still be as close? Would all my friends still remember me? Where would i be? Well, i suppose i could imagine myself working n recalling the quiet times i had in my room, like now for instance... Friendship is really a very funny thing... so is fate... Cant phantom how some ppl can pretend to be a gd fren, then soon after, treat u like a complete stranger... Or how some ppl cna put on a smiley face to pretend to be gd frens with everyone... Well, guess i'm just too simple for tt... i write my friends on my face, u c me == c the u in me...

but well, guess this aint really the time to talk about all this stuff... Esp since my homework is just piling up now... which is really kindaf sianz... but well, this is life now... So i better enjoy as much as possible... Mebbe in a few yrs time, i'll be admiring my carefree lifestyle now... Yeah...

A quiet night...

Tonight's an especially quiet night... So quiet tt thoughts start to run all over ur mind... Realised tt many ppl ard me arent exactly wad i thought they were... I have always been e impression tt at any one point of time, everyone will be having some thing which occupies their time n effort, n of cos, for the nerdy nerds, mugging is of cos, their main activity then... But everyone feels lonely at some time... Try to take a look around u, n u'll find that many ppl who may appear to be happening or happy may not be as what they portray... Everyone is afraid of loneliness, (at least tts wad i think)... But we always try to twist the truth to what we like to feel or hear, hoping for possibilities which arent even possible in e first place... Yet, is this the way the world is to be? Ppl trying to feel happy by deluding themselves, instead of facing up to this sad fact of life.... Maybe its just me, but this quiet n serene night really spooks me off... Makes me think about myself, how many friends do i have... Out of which, how many can i really confide in n trust them? Hmm....

There're just too much stuff gng on in my mind now... so much tt its even impossible for me to pen down every single thing i am thinking about... N of cos, not everything i think about is readible... Hehz... There's always a side of a person which he prefers not to reveal, u nv know e consequences... But well, shd i always be so clear-headed everytime? Thinking thru stuff before i would actually say it or write it down... Or shd i just sometimes blast my loud mouth away? Mebbe its cos i always put in an effort not to cause any displeasure, but well, i dun express myself tt well at times too... think i'm typing a lil disorganized now, thinking bt too much stuff... Like if any of my efforts were even recognizable... or yielding results which i wanted... But is e result always e most impt thing? Wad about the process, or mebbe even just the mere thought of it... Feeling tired already, mebbe its time to consult zhou gong...

An anomaly: a slack fun filled weekend in sophomore year in CMU ECE...

Did almost all my favorite activities in these 3 days... had a nice game of soccer out in e nice sunny pittsburgh weather on friday.. I seriously love hot sunny weathers, after having been in e US... For those of u who are sweating n complaining bt the sucky sticky hot sg weather, well, to me, its a blessing to have tt kindaf weather... cant take cold weathers well, dun like them too... Well, think its due to 2 main reasons... 1. MY skin too thin... Cant keep cold out... 2. I have too little fats to insulate me against the cold... Haiz... Must be... Ppl who are THIN like me are just so unfortunate... Hope i can get a nice tan before the winter sets in.. By then i'll be too cold to even dare to wander outside of my cosy room... Seriously think i'm having too much fun these days... My work all piling up... n here i am, still jioing ppl to go play... But well, after being here fer 1 yr, ur mentality will kindaf change... At least i think mine has... I'm getting more playful after 1 yr... N tt aint exactly bad... Even played dota in cmu lorz... N tts like how nan de... Cos u really gotta wait fer everyone to be free before we can all play together... Hopefully someone in CMU can organise a dota compy and we can all take part... Lol...

Felt darn bored today... nothing to do... Not tt i have no hw... or tt i have no readings... But its just the sianness settling in... But well, since nothing is really urgent, procrastination always seems to control my mind... Hope tt i have more exciting homework to do, rather than some STUPID MATLAB which i gotta spend huge amts of time, just merely trying to get the syntax right, or figuring out wad the qn wants... When i can easily do e same thing by hand... Come to think of it, i'm really slacking too much... So much tt i'm afraid to slack anymore... Gng to play tennis soon...

Ups n downs..

A lil fact about muah: I'm majoring in ECE at CMU...

Most common qn: What is ECE?
My ans: Well, its electrical and computer engineering...
Then they ask again: Wah, u double major in EE and CE?
Me: No larz, its a single major ...
Reply: Hmm... weird...
Me: -_-"

Then just now, i heard e perfect ans...
LEcturer: The lines between the various topics in ECE are becoming blurred. Every topic has physics, computers etc integrated into it... U cant exactly say which topic belongs where...(blah blah blah, u get the idea... I roughly stating wad he said, cant remember e exact words... paiseh...)
Then a student asked( some extra guy): Then how come US news n many other colleges all differentiate between EE and CE?

Wad u think the lecturer would say? I personally was like, ooops... Wad a qn...
Then e lecturer said: Well, the world is behind us... Tts y u come to CMU right? To be at the forefront of the world.

I couldnt help but feel darn proud of this prof, which happens to be the head of our ECE department...

Have u even wondered if u're a nasty person? like sometimes, some small things just get onto ur nerve n makes u feel tt u're not ez-going at all... Or when u just get pissed off by some joke ur fren cracked which makes u feel tt u're not accomodating at all? U want to be nice, ez going, tolerant, kind, etc... But the truth sometimes just isnt pointing that way at all... so how?
Shd u put up a pretense? For the sake of convincing urself and giving others a false impression? Or shd u just be frank n present ur nasty side to them... Tough call eh? HEng i dun have much of this kindaf problems... cos i'm GENUINELY NICE, KIND, TOLERANT, CONSIDERATE, etc... wahahah... Haha...
But ar, its really something quite tricky... I oso dunno how to do... But generally, i think IF i have such a problem, i'll only show it to my close frens n gf... I believe that if u're really close to another person, u shd be able to accomodate his flaws as well as his merits, and tts wad makes u a valuable fren... If not, how different are u from anyone else? Only willing to accept a person for his merits?