Conflict Handler

Its quite ironical tt a term i used at work can be used to describe my life outside of work... But i really amaze myself at times... I can get pissed off at very small things, but yet, i can also tolerate a whole load of shit when the need arises... Im juz glad tt things are ok...

I was really really disappointed i din get to play soccer last week... Im juz hoping tt i can play thsi weekend.. Really gian for it after watching so much soccer... N i really want to vent some frustrations through it...

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, which made me kindaf unstable in temperament too... Im worried for myself, as i realise tt i really dunno wad i want in life... Except to work my ass off n to be the expert i wished i was... Its scary...

I really want to get to know ppl better, but yet, i dun want to let anyone down... So its really kindaf conflicting for myself... Inner struggles have always been part of me... I guess its juz a phse of life which will pass soon... Or so i hope...

Was watching Jack Neo's press conference a few moments ago... The first thing tt caught my eye was the merciless camera's snapping away at Jack Neo... N i thought to myself, comon, give that guy a break. It doesnt matter how many photos u have of that poor guy, its not gng to help... U might as well make him feel more comfortable and perhaps he might say more stuff... But well, these thoughts did not seem to go through any of the reporters' minds n the incessant flashing continued...

There is no pt in me gng to talk about whether he has suffered enuff or whether its a publicity stunt or anything else, my comments do not really matter. But more interestingly, these thoughts have crossed my mind before... Thoughts about meeting some girl n throwing everything away... N i must say, its not ez to just shut out ur feelings. Of cos, i am not sure if there were even feelings involved in Jack Neo's case, but i guess, its never an ez thing to do... To be able to find someone that i know could never make my resolution and commitment towards her waver... But yet, u wun know if such a person actually exist, or even if he/she exist, its possible b/w u 2... Iono... Finding someone is something like buying stocks... U see ur stock increasing in value but its not hitting the amt u want... U want to wait to sell but yet u are afraid that it might drop in value. N the worst of all is, u dun even know if there will be a day where the stock will inded rise to the acceptable price you want... I know wad i will do... But do u know wad u will do?

First post of the year... N as usual, i'll wonder who else is reading this... But only at this point... After writing n posting, i doubt ill even go check to c who is reading... Think i shall attempt to post more this year, after all, i think now is a time of life when i am constantly thinking bt stuff, n trying hard to figure wad to do...

N today, i realised that i have a fear of being single... I am scared that when everyone ard me has his/her family, work, commitment n stuff, there's no chance to really hang out with them anymore... Would I be that guy u see at the bar, buying a drink n drinking himself? Or would i be the guy sitting beside u in the movies, with the aisle on his other side? Or would I be that workaholic who works 70 hrs a week, juz cos there's nth more in his life except work... I guess i can tell u the answer only 4 yrs from now...

I have seen gothicness, but i have never heard gothicness... Until i hear this song 'running up that hill'... It juz makes me so want to wear sth dark, black, just to express my mood... It makes me wanna drink a stout, cos its one of the most bitter beer i know... It makes me just wanna sit in front of my comp, n juz indulge in the song, ignoring everything...

If i ever had a new year's resolution for this yr, it'll be me gng to a pub/bar n drinking alone... Lets hope that the amt of anguishness reaches tt lvl soon...