Today was actually a good day.

I had some work piled up, given by the locals. And I couldnt be happier. I just want to be able to have meaningful things to do, interesting things to learn. N I'm glad its slowly coming together... I guess there is such a thing as karma after all. =)

The worst job I can ever get is to be a double agent. Because I know that if the side I'm suppose to spy on genuinely treats me well, its really hard to me to betray them.

I tried to control myself, but i couldnt. I had to get the cashew nuts.
Its tough being me.

There is this cashew nuts here, coated with honey which are just soooo delicious... I din use to eat cashew nuts at all, but now, i'm just crazy over these... If there's sth ill miss here, its these nuts...

The gym I've been visiting is gng to shift... Or rather, they are closing down and I have my membership transferred to another gym... Its kindaf sad though, cos I quite like the gym... Not too big n fancy, with nice friendly counter staff, esp the slightly cute girl who works there occasionally... N besides, its the first time I ever got complimented at a gym by a stranger; really made my day that time...
Guess I just don't like change... There are times I know I want change, but most of the times I know I'm just satisfied with the way things are... This happens to be one of those things I am satisfied with...

I thought about my dilemma yesterday, and I've decided that we'll just work as a team... Even if they arent really contributing, its cool... I believe that if anyone puts in the effort to learn, they should get something out of it... =)

I feel selfish... And I know its bad, but I cant help myself feeling that way...

But its just that I seem to be putting all the effort into reading and thinking bt stuff, and it dxn seem fair that I do all the hard work n everyone shares the benefits...

Throughout my life, I have tried to be selfless many-a-times... But look where that has gotten me...

I dunno... I really dunno...

The drama din get less dramatic... I din get less emotionally involved in it... I still rooted for the same people, felt sad when bad things happen, felt great when good things happen...

And its exactly the same way towards people... I would've wanted to be more barnish, but I still want to keep this faith I have about life, about people, about everything. This is faith is what makes me me and I dont ever want to give it up...

But there is a difference b/w now and then... Now I can actually pull myself away from it and look at the actual life I have...

Went to the beach to jog today... The sun was nice, and that really made my day... The sun always reminds me of hope, and makes me feel positive about everything...

Let me end with a quote from One Tree Hill:
" Eventually, we learn to define happiness on our own terms, in spite of the pain people have caused us..." So true... So true...

Currently, I just want peace and quietness... No conflicts, no disagreements, no dissonance...
Is it really so hard?

One Tree Hill

I like good dramas. Dramas with good plots and nice twists. No need to be perfectly believable, but believable enough for it to be inspiring. We always see people who are great around us, and we would think why are they so great and me so un-great. But what we do not see, are the things we have, the things we have been taking for granted... Things might not turn out the way we want them to be, but in the current state, we can only do our best... N when we do our best, and look back at it one day, we can feel proud of ourselves, no matter the result...

I have 8 more months here... Not 8 more months to kill... But 8 more months for me to prove to myself that I still have it. The desire to succeed, the thirst for knowledge, and the ability to outdo myself...

N its really amazing how similar the times are that One Tree Hill enters my life... In fact, the resemblance is almost uncanny...

My honeymoon

If I ever do get married to a girl i truly like, this is what my honey moon will be like...

3 months of no-pay leave, go to a place where no one knows us, rent a short term apartment, and just stay there and explore the place... The only concrete plans will be the initial place as well as the apartment. Everything else will be impromptu; What to do there, which place to go to next, when to leave, etc.

I really think I will do this.

So when I do get married, and I am not doing this, I better find a very good excuse...

If i ever learn the guitar, this will be a song I'll learn.

Bruno Mars: Grenade

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,
Why were they open?

Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same
No, no, no, no

They come, they go. And the solitude greets me once again.

I'm desperately bored... So i went to d/l all the few episodes of season 6 i can find to watch them...

N HIMYM does have some thought provoking times... Sometimes, when you see ur frens around u progressing with their lives, doing something meaningful, you will think to urself "what am I doing with my life". And I am asking myself that question right now.

Have I mentioned before how i despise leechers? If not, let me say it now. I despise leechers...

I read thru this piece of shitty document by the locals no less than 5 times to understand the stupid class diagrams and attempted to make sense out of them. Then one of my colleagues, A, organized a "discussion". I was really quite sure that they just wanted to discuss cos they read it once n din understand, but I still agreed. Then once i went in, B was like, "hey, come tell us what u know". Maybe i'm really a selfish bastard, but i really dun want to let others sow what I had reaped. So i just smiled n din say anything. Then A was like, "Ok, let me start by sharing what I know". Then he said some stuff, which showed tt he really did try to put in effort to understand the class diagram, but he couldnt understand the flow.

But after that, B just asked "So, how does this whole thing work?"

I am like wtf... "U just ask 1 qn and i have to explain the whole flow to you and make u understand? My 2 weeks of work and then u will just go off and tell the whole world bt this n make it as though u understood everything from ur own knowledge when u are simply leeching off me"

So I just said some generic thing, exactly like what the locals would say to us. But A asked again another qn. My principle towards knowledge is, God helps those who helps themselves. If u dun put in the effort, there is no way i would help u at all.
I can see the effort A puts in, so i just relented n explained ard 1/2 of the whole document to them. Then after that, B asked, "So how bt the other 1/2?"
Then I asked back "Have you read it?"
B answered "Its so hard to read. Its much easier if you just tell me."
I went "..."
Seriously, dun people know that u need to put in effort to get what you want?
I was almost gng to tell B not to be a leecher le but luckily, A interrupted n just said "B, dun be a free loader la" in a joking way. And then B kept quiet.

I think the next time, I will just keep quiet le. Everytime we have these discussions, B will just ask "How does it work" instead of "Does it work like this" or "I have this concept. Blah blah blah". Sibei big leecher. I wonder why this type of ppl also can be on scholarship... I feel insulted to be on the same scholarship.

I hate leechers... I really do... I seriously cant stand people who dun put in effort but just like to ask for answers...
Now I start to understand why the locals here arent too keen to share knowledge with us...

N I just realised.. Even though I've nv mentioned it, but one part of my day is to check my blog for those lil comments... Thanks... =)

Now things are back to normal... If only it could be like this for the next 9 months... But it cant definitely cant be...

A few colleagues came... N it sortaf felt like I'm connected to SG again... Its only been 3 months, but it has seemed like forever... I think I've forgotten how life used to be in SG... All the board games, hanging out, tennis, etc... Its almost like I've been here since forever, and my SG life is my past life...

Many ppl all have backup plans... Backup in the sense that they are thinking if they shd switch jobs, etc... And I realise that I have no backup plans... In fact, day by day, I'm just slowly being sucked in... And my inertia for change will just allow myself to be sucked in until I'm so used to this, I'll just be doing this for the rest of my life... In fact, I could actually see myself, 8 years from now, still stuck in this job, still single, still typing in this blog, n still stubbornly holding on to my beliefs...

Its really hard to bottle up all my emotions... Esp at this pt in time... But I'm slowly getting used to it... Getting used to keep quiet... In fact, I am so quiet these days I amaze myself... I almost never speak at meals, and in the ofc, the only 2 things I talk about is work and EPL... EPL will be over in May, I just hope I will be so inundated by work I wun think of anything else other than work...