N it seriously does not help tt liverpool played like shit...

Emo-ness

Emo-ness is when u are home on a sat nite, having nth to do...
Emo-ness is looking at all the couples happily ard u, n juz feeling sad but trying hard not to show it...
Emo-ness is just not having much confidence bt urself... Confidence tt u are actually capable of chasing someone u like n winning her heart...
Emo-ness is the feeling left in u after asking ppl out n being rejected... N then u'd ask: "y can i b confident towards all my frens, but being rejected by someone would make u seem so worthless.... Is she really tt great? NO. Are my frens really worth tt little? of cos NO."

Sometimes, at this pt of time, i cant help but wonder y am i working so hard for... I worked hard during stints in primary, secondary, n jc for my parents... Now i have a decent stable job... I worked hard in uni for myself... N i am indeed proud of myself... Now though, i actually dunno y i working so hard for... So wad if i manage to learn a lot, n perhaps do well? I cant actually see any reason for tt now...

I may be shui bian towards a lot of things, but im not shui bian at all towards myself... I always expect nothing but the best from myself, and if i do slack, i would make sure there's a gd reason for it... But towards ppl, i am not shui bian at all... When i make frens, i do really believe tt they are good ppl, and tt i can really trust them... N towards ppl i like, i do really believe tt there is something else rather than juz looks, even though i always seem to appear shallow... In fact, i nv really tot ppl i liked looked exceptionally good, they juz happen to haf this X factor... N in all cases, the appeal of tt X factor will be overshadowed by some other traits and disappear after some time... N im sure, tt even the current ops may lose its appeal soon... But there is always that one particular ops which has nv lost its X factor... Not last time, not now and definitely not soon...

Yup, monday was indeed an unusual day... Im now back to my usual industrious but crappy mood @ work, and just wanting to get home from work... Work was bad, i made little progress, but i attribute it to not having enuff terminals and boards to work on... There is only 1 board for testing, and there are like 3 ppl working on it.... Sianz... But im done wif my task already, so wadever... N seriously, i think work is like one main driving force behind me nowadays... N then i thought bt my fren who dxn really like his work n is always complaining bt life... seriously, if u spend 40 hrs per week doing sth u dun like, wif a shitty pay, i believe its a matter of time before u finally juz explode n collapse...

Din manage to visit the dentist on wed... WAited for like 40 mins for bus 92!! yes 40 mins... Due to some accident along the buona vista road, which made me suspect tt there arent enuff bus 92As to go around, and so there werent any 92As in between the 40 mins waiting time... seriously wth lor... I was really pissed tt night, i hate not getting my own things done and having no way to get it done... Oh wells...

Nothing ever feels so gd as a day of sunny tennis followed by a day of hardcore badminton... Of cos it'd be better if i had played better in both sports, but as it currently stands, i think i sux at both... Tennis wise my strokes always nv follow thru, too much influence from badminton... Badminton wise i dun have enuff strength/technique, something which is probably due to me playing tennis the day before... But i still feel gd...

Today is a weird day... I had quite a bad nite of sleep, imagine sleeping at 2+ n waking up a handful of times... Arrgh... N i really turned n tossed in bed, thinking bt a few things which im trying hard to push aside... But despite my tiredness, i think im feeling better in terms of myself... I dunno if it applies to u all, but there are times, i juz feel so confident of myself... Confident in terms of socializing, confident meaning i will be much more outspoken, playful... N this is something tt i feel has been lost in me for a long time... I cant even remember the last time i felt like that...Perhaps its correlated to my lack of sleep... But i have a feeling all this will fade away again tmr... N ill be in tt "dun disturb me" mode once again...

"Diamond bachelor"... I've heard many ppl using it to describe some other ppl, basically commenting tt they're rich n very eligible... But I actually feel tt its sad to be called one... I mean, if u no gf/wife its bad enuff... But if u're eligible n yet still swinging, its doubly worse... Its like feeling hungry but yet looking at food u cant touch...

Guess we've passed the studies/games age, now its more of gf/wife stage, n for some, even the kids stage... Maybe tts y its the most common topic nowadays when i go out wif frens... Its usually circled ard guys/girls... Finding the right one n stuff... I've been avoiding this for some topic for some time... N i dun usually tell anyone bt wad i've been up to... N trust me, im not planning to say much too... If u believe wad i always say, then yup, u got ur answer...

Looking at the "He's just not tt into me" movie, i see a sort of reflection of myself, with a bit of similarity to Alex... I dun want to sink myself into any form of emo shit, or any form of chasing, cos i just dun want to feel desperate n sad... So i juz keep myself above it all, by juz hanging out wif everyone as friends... So tt i wun feel any sort of emotional attachment to anyone...

Also, im afraid of commitment... Its really hard for me to just go after someone, cos when i do, ill wanna make sure tt she's the only person im seeing... But at the same time, im a greedy person, n i know im the type who will want only the one i want most... I can nv b happy having 2nd best. But in the mean time, i dun wanna be labeled as a player, who just keeps switching. So i guess ill juz continue the wait/hunt... Until i can finally find someone i can accept as the best...

Nice weekend... Chilled a lot wif frens, esp my jc frens... N even though its vday, im glad at least i din feel emo or anything this weekend... lol... Talked bt a lot of things, n some really depressing stuff, like me being unable to get a BMW by 30 yrs old... "Get" meaning buy 1 wif a 10 yr loan...

Lets do the sums...
Assumign marriage at 30, n i can save up for marriage costs until 30. Before i start at naught again.
Assuming i am doing well, my salary MAY hit 6k... 900 for CPF which leaves me wif 5100... (Max cpf is applicable until 4.5k only... )
Assuming 2 k for family, 1 k for parents tt leaves me wif 2100... 2k of family wouldnt be enuff, i still need other half to give another 1k or 2k too... Then 1 k for parnets also subjectable to change... Im already being optimistic here... After calculation i can afford a 3 series at ard 1500 per month bahz, n tt leaves me wif 600 per month...
Even after al my assumptions, this still seems impossible... Sighs...

N this is not the worst news today... I was freaking scared shit by a guy... Me and a fren was walking at meridien when a guy tapped me on the shoulder n said hi, n i was like WTF? But i still said hi n walked off... Then he came from behind, walked to in front of me, turned around and said hi again. I went "huh? Do i know u?" Then he said i look familiar n ask for where i work. I said gov. Then he asked which sector, so i juz anyhow whack... Then i quickly said i meeting another fren n walked off... N after i met my fren at the OG there, we realised tt he's still following us... We stopped, my fren looked back, n there he was... Then we walked into centre point... N he followed... N worst thing is, he looked sort of shifty n kindaf freaky... We quickly went down the escalator, into cold storage, and looked back... n heng he wasnt there... We wanted to go up, but we tot he could've been at the entrance waiting.. So we din do anything... Went to the back of centrepoint to try to go to heeren, but there was no link... Sian... But there was a temple there... Quite random, but yes there is a temple and no link to heeren... Sian... In the end, we shopped at Harvey Norman for some time, before finally daring to walk out again... Knn, i think it'd be better if it had been some ah beng asking me instead of a shifty nervous looking guy... But heng im over it liao... Knn... Ok, no more blogging bt it, only makes me feel more sian... lol...

I am losing it... my fitness i mean... Played tennis on sunday, and there were times when im really panting after running here n there... And i rarely pant during racquet sports... I am seriously wondering how much more sports i can do before i officially play them very slackily... Instead of trying to improve and push myself...

And I am slowly getting more intrigued by board/card games... I love games like bang! and citadel, thinking of buying them so tt can juz play them wif frens instead of gng to settlers which would cost more... But i insist tt i hate settlers of catan... I find it too luck based, with the random rolling of the dice, and not that much interaction involved between the various players... Call me a sadist if u want, but im always more for games where 1 person can "sabo" another person... lol...

N of cos, left 4 dead is another very good game to play to destress... Would luv to be able to go play wif a few other frens for like an hr or so... Perhaps my life has been relegated to wanting to simply kill zombies...

But sth sad... I wanted to watch the wedding game, but failed to watch it on 3 occasions... First i tried asking a fren to watch wif me... But she insisted tt its too lame... so i juz suck thumb... Then i asked a grp of frens, and they were ok... But in the end, there were no more tix... Zzz... N the last person i asked wasnt interested either... Sian... Even though the reviews werent good, n i am not so keen to watch it now, but its kindaf sad tt shows i like arent as well liked by others... Im a fan of those lame, excuse-brain comedies, but sadly, most ppl prefer more serious movies/ blockbusters...

N juz a random tot... Through hearsay, media, n stories, it seems as though sg girls prefer guys who are practical, dun lie, honest... They need not be charming, sweet-talking, or even cute... Yet in life, i think ppl ard me seem to want the latter... Gl to them...

Attention whores...

Heard this term today, n it makes me realise how much disdain i have for ppl who like attention... Everyone wants attention, me included... But there is no need for me to keep trying to do stuff to get attention... Friends give one another attention, but there are certain ppl who juz seem to always to crave for it... Y cant ppl just sometimes be quiet n simply enjoy the moment? Sighs... I am cool wif ppl if they trying to attraction 1 person's attention, but i am not cool wif ppl if they're trying to forever get everyone's attention...

For the weirdest reason, i got this song in my head today when i woke up... Even though i dun haf this song in my comp... N now tt im listening to it, it juz grows on me... Arrgh, need to go k soon...

五月天- 突然好想你

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

Had a very packed weekend... Too packed for my liking, n the worst of it is, its not even great... Went to 2 cny parties at frens' place, n 1 worse than the other... Maybe cos i dun really know the ppl tt well bahz... Juz went cos they asked, n i tot it could be fun... turns out well, I'd rather juz go chill wif some other frens... Lotsaf details which i'd rather leave it, too tired to say everything... Esp the sai kung details...

Then today had a wedding lunch, which had quite lousy food... No shark's fin (maybe for environment reasons), had only 7 dishes, including of the dessert... N i was full more from the coke bahz... The only consoling factor was me gng to play left4 dead wif my colleagues after tt, n tt was certainly the highlight of the weekend... Maybe the liverpool match could be the highlight of the weekend instead... I certainly hope it would be...

I juz realised how much of an introvert i am... There are so many things i dun want to tell ppl, so many things which im not comfortable letting anyone know... Its not tt i dun trust anyone, i know i have really great frens whom i can tell anything to n nth would happen... But i guess its just me; i juz feel vulnerable when someone knows everything bt me... N tts also sth i look to in a gf bahz, someone whom i am actually comfortable telling almost everything... N lets starting counting the number of potentials...