N i thought i was old... Hmm...

You Are 15 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

The sem is ending... So fast...

It seems only a few weeks back tt i went to Europe... N came back... It seems only last week that i went to play soccer after my 18-202 finals n then ate at the midnight breakfast... but now, i'm finishing my 4th semester here, and definitely, the toughest sem so far... Even though i took lotsaf courses n units last sem, but it was nothing like this sem... Day after day i slogged for the hw due the next day... 3 hws per day was the norm last sem, but now, 1 hw per day becomes the norm... But well, now that the sem is about to end... I really feel tt i've learnt stuff... Its the 1st sem i actually feel that i'm learning stuff tt'll be useful in the future... The past sems are simply just learning all the general stuff that trains up my thinking, but this sem is just knowledge, knowledge and more knowledge...

Think i really getting old liao too... Last time, i was to think tt sleep was a waste of time... I mean, sleeping is essentially just doing nothing n wasting time... When u can go n play or study instead of sleeping... But now, sleep is really impt... Cant afford to sleep less than 6 hrs... else the next day, i'll feel lethargic n restless.. cant study, dun wanna go exercise.. just wanna sit n nua n do nothing... Haiz...

Some other signs of ageing...
1. I'm developing wrinkle... (yar, i used to have 0 but now, i can see 1... )
2. I have a strand of white hair... (n its so obvious)
3. my fitness is deteriorating... ( perhaps its cos i'm getting fat, but i prefer to attribute it to age)
4. I'm thinking in an old-fashioned way... (Used to be a little more open but now, i'm getting to be real stubborn... )
5. N I am finding mature girls more attractive as compared to those cute cute ones... (Y!!!)

Crossroads once again....

Time really flies... It seems only yesterday that the week had begun n here, its ending already... Days just fly past u when u're doing work... But at least my stupid grp finally managed to get some results out... Now its just about beautifying them... Talked to my mentor about my future path, gave it some serious thought as to what i shd do... I've planned to minor in lotsaf things... Initially, i wanted to minor in SDS, which is a fun department, though the courses always clash with what i liked... Thought bt minoring in math too, since i generally enjoy math... But well, for some reason, the amth courses here dun really seem tt interesting to me, maybe perhaps cos the math i more interested in is not so applicable... n i want to have a minor in which i enjoy doing, not really stress myself over it... psy was in one of my considerations, but well, it requires too much courses for a minor... N i think i only like social psy n not really child psy or abnormal psy or cog psy... So well, i just took a social psy course n tts it... Policy has always been one of my interests, but the policy courses here are similar to econs courses... Like the policy 1 course cna be substituted by my micro econs course. The policy 3 course, the last of the sequence, is bascially the same as my EPP project... Which i'm taking now n is really darn bad... due to a bad grp n boring topic... Even econs i considered... But i'm not really an econs person...

More impt bt this planning of courses is tt i wanna have a good semester which is not too xiong... This sem was bad... Really bad... U c the period of time i dun blog... No points to guessing but yeah, its cos of me doing hw n hw n hw n not doing anything else... Now, i can breathe a bit better... Maybe cos finals coming n i'm suppose to be preparing for it... haha... But lets just wait until i finish my final lab reports n last programming assignment... Hope i can have a great weekend to be able to finish most of my work... then can start prep for exam and give it 1 final push...

Ok, i admit the previous paragraphs were boring... But well, tts my life now... boring... N just full of work... So yeah, if u feel bored reading it, well, try being in my shoes... Experiencing this kindaf life... Being in this kindaf shit... The only good thing is tt u've frens ard u taking similar courses, so if there's anything u dun understand, can always go n seek their help... But real glad that over here, my batch is not tt competitive among ourselves, mostly competitive against the rest of the class... HEard tt other batches have like really close fight among themselves... which i 'm darn glad tt there isnt tt much hostility or politics among our batch... which makes the environment really quite nice...

Booth thoughts...

Dunno y ppl keep saying my previous post was funny... when i was in an absolutely clear n serious state when i'm writing that... Haiz...

Feeling really tired these days... Think its due to lack of sleep... Even though i've had like a lil break during my spring carnival, but guessed i spent too much time doing other stuff than sleeping... like, doing booth, helping frens out, doing hw... etc... Cant believe i couldnt like "nua" in bed until i really couldnt sleep anymore... Haiz... Now hoping to do that this sat... Yes,... Shall pia all my hw asap, then can SLEEP...

Went to tear down booth on sunday, where not many ppl went... thought there would be more ppl, since the freshie batch seems to be more onz than my batch ppl, but well, i was wrong... The QM just simply disappeared... N during teardown, the QM shd be the one who organises everything lor... Tmd... N he just bloody disappeared... I was suppose to go down for a few hrs, but in the end, i ended up doing it all the way until my meeting at 7... N din get any work done... Feeling darn shag... N guess wad, even better... The booth chair just disappeared too... Together with 2 other guys when we were all shagged out from tearing down booth n feeling the rush... Cos we gotta move everything out of the booth place by 6 pm, n we were already late... Then we had to keep everything in the cages but we seriously dun have enuff time for that... N the booth chair just disappeared, just to send some girls' relative to the airport or something lydat...
I mean comon larz, if u tell me its ur gf gng to airport, ok lar, at least u tell others tt u leaving lorz... N somemore tt girl not even ur gf, n its not even ur fren who's gng to the air port... Really cmi lorz... We all really feel cheated... We were all doing our best when its not even our responsibility n u actually just smoked out... Hai... shallnt do booth anymore... Tts my resolution....
N not just that... There're just so many ppl in the committee who dun do stuff lorz... Machiam just acting as vases... Dunno anything tts gng on... N forgettting all the impt stuff then had to last min activate ppl to go help her out... I mean, if u cant do it, then dun take up the impt positiion lar... Its not about wayanging or just trying to have a gd resume but seriously, u must have the ability before u contemplate taking up posts... Darn sian...

Really dunno who will be doing it next yr... but if no one's interested, then so be it... There's no need to always try to do booth even when the majority is not interested... IF tts the case, u're only gng to torture those who are caught in between doing n not doing... Seriously, u need to have a critical mass of interested participants b4 u can actually do it, if there's nit enuff ppl, then seriously no point lorz... Hope that next yr ppl will see this, or perhaps, its time i shd say something about it when the time comes...

finding gfs...

Disclaimer: The following post is juz bt wad i think bt my own life now... So ya, its boring...

Frens ard me have been getting attached.... N many have encouraged me to get myself a gf too... I'm nt getting any younger i admit... N of cos, not getting anymore handsome... n its a mater of time b4 i'm gonna to suffer from the "nv been kissed b4" syndrome soon too... haha... though i'm nt the perfect bachelor ard, but there have been several chances... some of which are really just up to me... But i juz cant bring myself to commit... I've nv wanted to let anyone down, so if i so get a gf, i must be able to say, i must be able to give up my own personal time for her... N my own personal time has always been something i have nv been able to give up... except for a special few... Perhaps i'm born to be like this, being able to live a simple life, easily satisfied with life.... a good sleep, an hr of exercise, hanging out wif frens or family + a gd meal is more than enough for me... I dun want to be restrained, n i know tt if i do commit, i will... Not because of whoever she might be, but cos i myself will be... N i'm scared of this... I've always committed myself towards many things, n becos of tt, i've suffered... I've always had a phobia of possessive gfs, maybe cos i've seen too many cases of my frens all kena-ing tt... N i dun think i can take that at all... Getting angry over the slightest thing.. Err... Really not my type... Yeah, so i'll juz continue swinging happily as a bachelor, until maybe i can find someone... yup...

doing booth....

The same time of the year again, where ssa has to put up a booth... SSA = singapore students association... But 1 qn we ask ourselves is.... Is it really necessary every yr fer us to do booth? It kindaf seems like a task imposed upon the 1st years to do... every yr... even though there may be ppl who arent tt interested... Is all tt effort really worth it? Endless nights of gng down to help out, building walls, painting, n stuff... U ask those who like, they'll say " u'll feel shag, but when you see ur structure go up, u'll feel that everything is worth it..." But how many ppl actually say that? only those who like it... Others who dun like to do it wun even go down to help, n wun even say tt its worth any effort... Personally, i dun like booth... the only reason i'd help is cos of responsibility or cos my frens are doing it... this yr, my batch ppl mostly kept themselves out, but my upper batch has 2 garung seniors who instead of just wanting to help out, became the 2 pivotal ppl in it... Until they had no time for themselves to relax, n instead of having a relaxed sem in their last sem, still had to pia for stuff... U may praise them n say they gd or wad but in the end, who's the one to suffer? Its not u or me or whoever else... Its them themselves... The point: being too nice can cause u to suffer at times...

Went down last night to help out... the only night i was free after all the hard work... but i've always admired and sympathised with this 2 seniors... so went down to help... At the expense of my own really drained out mind n body... then now, i think i'll need time to recover from all this draining over the previous weeks... My fren once told me... "Even though u're their gd fren, n u dun wish for this to happen( this referring to them having to put in soooo much more for booth) but, dun make their problem become urs... " I couldnt deny the fact of this statement... Everyone has their own problems, n no one can really do everything... But i think what counts as a fren is not only sharing someone's else's joy, but also their burden... Not only do u gather together during happy times, but its during times of adversity that they'd need u more, n the more reason u shd try to be there.... At least, tts wad i think till now...

After all the work...

Yes, finally... I finished the darn lab assignemnt... It was the dreaded malloc assignment where we had to write our own version of malloc... For those users of C... But anyway, i'm more or less done with ti... Wasnt able to obtain a perfect score, but oh well, i guess its gd enuff fer me... Dun really wanna continue with all the late nights n stuff...

Gonna go help out in booth soon... Haven really done much fer it... Due to all the workload... Its juz nv ending... Seriously, this is SOPHOMORE life... Ur life is a binary situation... Either u're doing work... Or u're sleeping... tts all... N the probability of sleep is less than 20%... I can sense the rush coming again soon next week... But oh well, tts next week... Shall start mugging this weekend, but before that, lemme just try to enjoy myself a lil first... In the next few short days tt i can afford to... Heh...

Will be gng to help out in booth tmr... N of cos, trying to go fer a jog before tt... Just to maintain my fitness lvl.. which has been drooping like mad... After all, the food here is darn unhealthy or rather, the healthy food is simply not edible... to me that is...

Just heard tt a gd fren dropped some courses here... Due to high stress levels... I was tkaing one similar course as her, really regret not having helped her out before that... Though i may be bz, but i think i could easily fork out some time to help her out n stuff... but sometimes, its really hard to ask too... I mean, she's having problems, but i dun wanna make it sound as though she needs me everytime... Dun really think its good to ask her if she needs help, cos it'll be a lil belittling of her on my part... N she aint those stupid kindaf ppl who really cant make it... So yeah, i'd rather not do anything than do anything wrong, so ya, i just sat back n din do anything... Feeling kindaf terrible now... Arrgh...

Oh well, guess its bad tt i nv update my blog tt often too... but well, dun really wanna keep posting stuff like... "I have tonnes of homeworks due next week... 2 ece lab reports, 2 ece prelabs 2 ece homeworks, 1 CS lab, 1 research project, 1 EPP project, 1 stat hw.. blah blah blah"
Guess u guys dun really like to see this... Even i dun wanna see ths when i look back...
But juz fer remembrance sake...

The next part is for my own remembrance only, its all about my work n stuff...

I had 4 "high" weeks thus far...
1st week had my Computer engineering exam which i turned from know-nothing to almost know-all... yet, i still did badly due to carelessness...
2nd week had my Analog circuits exam which i din know wad was gng on... n spent 3 * 3 hrs trying to complete my bonus lab which failed due to excessive noise... n spent 10 + hrs on my CE lab which luckily turned out alright...
3rd week had my CS exam which i studied too much for, n turned out to be quite ez, only problem being i din score...
4th week had this CS lab which i spent at least 30 + hrs on... Tried a new algorithm which was doomed to failure right from the start...

Yeah...

So tts it..

On this night...

no pts to guessing what i'm doing now... Or what i've been doing for the past 2 weeks.. Or what i'm gng to do for the next week... Every week's worse than prev... I thought this week is definitely the "high" but next week will just be worse... Its been like this fer 2 + weeks, n i suspect, perhaps another 1+ week it shd be fine... But well, just wanna recommend this song... wif nice lyrics... My only company for mugging for computer systems midterm...

Endless road

The truth is tearing up my heart
I can't recognise this place
The endless road without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time

Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this
I think~ I never will

A crystal forming in the eye
Maybe this would be the last
The winding path down my face
Till I begin to taste the bitterness inside

Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this
I think~ I never will

I never will