A trip back in time...

It all seems to familiar... Too familiar... Everything was like last semester... Yeap, junwei is back in pitt... And in timely fashion too... to distract me from wadever shit i was facing... N as much as i hate to admit it, i felt as though it was juz like last yr... Me being the ultimate "light bulb", me being constantly "suaned" by him, and me constantly knowing who to eat with... N in another 2 days, he's gone again... He's really like the big bro i nv had... But the sad thing is, yeah i doubt we'll see much of each other in the next few years...

Cant believe i actually went snowboarding... Haha, for the first time in my life... I always din understand how Alan can go snowboarding every week, wouldnt he be sick of it? And isnt there so much more things to do? But after that 1 day, i think i can slowly see y he is so crazy bt it... Haha... Yeah, i fell quite a bit, and i havent gone up the slopes yet, but i think i'm slowly getting the hang of it... trying to go again this week, prob will go, unless some hot babe decide to ask me out on fri, sat, n sun... (in my dreams... =p)

Sometimes i cant help but think, that the reason y ppl hang out wif me is mostly cos they can get some benefits out of me... Be it me helping them out with stuff, or me having a car, or sth... Maybe tts y even though i dun say it, i really appreciate people who nv ask or expect anything from me, but just willing to hang out with me for who i am... N its always gratifying to know that no matter what happens, there are people out there whom i can always rely on...

i finally understand the reason for me being so emotionally vulnerable the past weeks or even past sem... I always used to have someone there for me to turn to everytime... It used to be my family, then my jc frens, n then junwei... But after he left, i feel more alone... I feel a need to be strong to my friends, to take care of them n stuff, but when he's here, i can juz throw everything at him or rather, juz keep hanging out wif him as an excuse to avoid everything/everyone... Perhaps tts wad i really need... An excuse...

Its not over...

Thanks for the concern guys... I really appreciate it and i am really ok... And sry to disappoint u all... But here's my latest fav song...

Daughtry - Its not over

Well I'll try to do to it right this time around
It's not over,
Try to do it right this time around
It's not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over.

I used to think of themes of wad to write in my blog... N have titles for the posts... But i really dunno wad i wanna say here... Perhaps juz wad i think at this pt of time...

I think i made ppl worried bt me on monday... Yeah, tt post is scary now tt im looking at it... And u dun see this sort of things from me usually... Im really sorry... But i guess, its just like when u have lots of lil things irritating u, there is a pt of time u finally snap, n tts wad happened on monday. I dun even understand wad happened, its just as though a part of me went off... The sad, melancholic part of me tt has always been suppressed... Im really grateful i have such great pals ard, i really appreciate it... Its not that i dun want to say things out, but sometimes its becos i know that saying thigns out wun help anything at all, n tts y i din say... I have always been known as a person who can take care of himself, n i do not want tt image to change... But of cos, everyone has their down times so i guess tts mine...

I have been thinking these days, and i got to know myself better in the process... I've always been a person who is happy with himself... I like the way i am, or rather, i justify all my actions with positivity. I've achieved almost everything i wanted to achieve, i fall short of it a lot of times, but im still satisfied with my performance... Or maybe, i try to justifiy y i fall short of it and then feel happy about it...
But just for this one time, i actually dont think i can justify for my failures anymore... I've always had a set of beliefs, and a lot of things happening around me are justifying it... But the problem here is, only things happening ard me are justifying it, things happening to me arent...

So I really need to do this to get my self-confidence back... Be it a failure or success, i will still do it...

I hate it when....

I hate it when i have work due and i dunno how to do... I hate it when i land myself in a situation where i have no control over things... I hate it when no matter wad i do, it will only make everything worse... I hate it like this... I hate it when time is forcing me into a desperate corner... I hate it when there is no one i want to turn to... I hate it when i feel ever so vulnerable... I hate it when this feeling of neediness takes over my heart... I hate it knowing that i am not as strong as i thought i am... I hate it when i cannot understand why i am doing all this.. I hate it when i know i shd stop listening to this song but i cant stop myself from hearing it... I hate it when i have no idea y i would feel like this at this pt of time... I hate it when i do not know when this will last until... I hate it when i still have to put on a smile to say hi to ppl at this pt of time... i hate it when i feel like doing something to vent all this, but i should not spend the time to vent it, cos i know i'll blame myself for wasting time on my venting, but yet, i know now tt it'll be more productive if i go let it out... N lastly, i hate it when i think n think of wad to do, only for time to continue ticking......